moved to http://deeslocution.blogspot.com/
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Today started funnily. I went for some grocery shopping with my mom at Giant and guess what? My Vincci flip flops tore at the strap. Ah well it was worn out and I had to hop over to the shoe/slippers section with mom to get a new one. I did. And it was red with Chinese New Year decorations on it done in Gold. Haha. Not fancy at all mind you but its normal RM19.90 beach thongs. Lovely. With a price tag attached to it too, since mom explained to the guy handling that section and he told her its okie to wear it first and pay later. It kinda reminded me of how Al and I walked barefooted around Pyramid with Yew Siong after our high school graduation coz our heels hurted our feet so much till it was so unbearable. And yes, we got lots of attention that day. xD
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Today I was suppose to do figures but I got lazy. I got myself stuck on another attempt to change the layout of my Blogger but as usual it did not work. It was really stupid as I can not even view the pictures of the layout. Anyway Jen could not log in to MSN again. Lol. Guess she's the worse one out. I should not complain. Somehow these days I seem to be away from the world. Far away in fact. Nothing ever happen anymore. I don't see much of my friends. My social branch seem to be left hanging without any leaves growing on it. Everyone's busy with their life with either assignments, classes, other friends and most of all their own boyfriends/ girlfriends. Having a class per week ain't fun at all. It sucks coz I have grown into a lazy pig and I have lost all my talkative, cheerful-ness, full of energy and social-ness bones in my body. Ok, maybe not all but most of it. And for crying out loud, I think I have turned into a boring person. Omg. Yes you can OMG there and yes the pigs are out flying in the sky. I don't know la. I've been stuck inside my room on my pc for like since Jan started and I have forgotten how to be Mandy. Help! Jen! Help!
Sigh. Another 2 months to go. And another 4 figures to go. Well, save it for tomorrow la I'll go game a while now >D (see what I mean by being a lazy pig? I forgot how to stuggle to be the best and to maintain my best)
I promised myself that I'd stay happy this year and my new year resolution was to be happy go-lucky and riding in the back seat.
I am crapping again with this blog.
My life's this boring now.
I even talk to myself.
Ah, ignore! Don't read anymore! Please! If you want to save our eyes and even your mind!
"If you need me, and there are 100s of roses between us,
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You can alwayz take the 1st rose to get near me,
And I'll take all 99 roses to be there for you and say
I Love You."
-the sweetest ever quote I've ever received
A black butterfly found its way onto my red curtains. The effect was really beautiful as it has furry wings in the blackest black. I saw it when I came into my room and went straight to part the other side of the curtains to reveal a gap where it can fly away when it got bored of my room. The first thought that came into my mind was Bleach's messenger butterfly. Yeah.. Yoruichi right? I laughed at myself then and said out loud that I was going to watch Kyo Samurai Deeper today. When I turned around, it wasn't there anymore. I guess it flew away. Since young I've always thought of black butterflies that randomly appeared in the same room as me as my late third uncle from my mother's side. Yeah. Mom and me missed him that much. She was the one that told me whenever you see a black butterfly it must be "sam kau fu". I would smile then with my eyes stinging. Now as usual it must have been my late "sam kau fu" paying me a visit. I wonder if he did flew to my top shelf and check out those fantasy novels and the saiyuki illustrations too. He loved comics from the bottom of his heart. And that was where my interests perks up as a lil toddler playing with his mountain of comics. I guess I shall start drawing the illustration I had planned to create a long time ago- my uncle carrying me as a tolddler in his right arm and the other holding a comic, both of us laughing and this done in manga style, granting him a Cho Hakkai look. I miss him so much.
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After writing that entry number one mom and me went to Parade to buy my softwares. I found all of them and the guy there gave me discount. =) Then we went to MPH to read some books. I look up that book I bought for Cheryl on the shelves. The title was Chicken Soup for the Girlfriend's Soul. I read it. And I came across one story. Its about this girl who has a best friend and once another girl moved into the neighbourhood, her best friend spent more time with the newcomer and left her behind. Of course she was hurted badly and she sort of hated her best friend. The the month of May came and it was a festival where the neighbourhood will make flower baskets and fill it up with flowers. The festival was May Day. She did not want to give her friend any flowers on that day but her mother made her give. In the end she did and most of the flowers she placed in the basket was yellow ones coz her best friend loved them the most. Once she placed the basket on her best friend's doorstep she rang the bell and ran away to a nearby bush to hide and watch from afar. Her best friend opened the door and picked the basket up then said to the thin air, "thank you Rosa for not forgetting me." That day she made a decision that changed her life. She decided to hold her friends tightly in her heart, but loosely in her expectations of them, allowing them space to grow and to change- with or without her. Then I thought of Cheryl, one of my best friends. I did exactly the same too. She is busy with her life- her bf, her family, her responsibilities, her new found coll mates, her futsal, her coll life and her mountain of assignments. I once use to miss her terribly coz we were always together in our high school days. She's always on my left in class. And we always walk to tuition together. And she's my basketball mate, every evening she walk over to my place and we'd walk to the court together. But once my college started I was busy too- classes, assignments, my new found coll mates, my hols all booked and spent with my coll mates, and all the social activities. We barely see each other and usually it was me planning on meeting up and its always her "fung fei kei"-ing. I got upset and was angry but I know. She has her own life now as I do too. Sigh. I learned to have the least expectations on her and have her own space and changes- with or without me.
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After that mom and I went to Parkson Grand as she wanted to walked around Dorothy Perkins. On the way out we stopped by this part of Parkson Grand where they sell lil girl's dresses(freaking expensive) and omg! the dresses!!! They were so beautiful! The materials used were lace, satin, emboidery, and those cloth like nettings.. I forgot the name of the store but it really took my breath away. Mom looked through a row white lace dresses and took the largest of them- size 12 and toss it to me to go try. I was like ... ,damn speechless man. Anyway I went and tried la out of the fun of it. OMG!!! I can fit!!! Except for the boobs part coz it was so tight there and I cannot zip all the way up. 12 year olds don't have boobs. Here are the pictures I took in the dressing room.
Haha!! Damn funny man!! The dress damn nice wei! (RM289). On the way out I then whined to my mom in a teasing way "why didn't you buy for me these beautiful dresses when I was young? Hrmph!" My mom just laughed. There was a green one that look so majestic and a pink one that have some fairy designs. Nice wei! I was thinking of buying one casual one and wear it with jeans. haha. Jin Li did exactly that with her old 6 year old dress. Damn cute wei, when I went out with her that day. Too bad I gave away ALL of mine long ago. =(
Then before heading home mom and me stopped by the Feng Shui shop. I found out what is a 7 eye Dzi bead. Then I saw the other types which goes by numbers and the 12th one was a healing bead. The description there was "a good healing chi...". And guess what came into my mind. DOTA!!! jahahaha! I told this to mom and we came up with a title for a new Lilian Too book- Feng Shui in Dota. Sure sold out wei. HAha. Mom bought me a red dress for Chinese New Year coz we were both bored with wearing pants and this year CNY she ban me from wearing my boardshorts and cargos and I made an agreement with her to wear that red dress for the WHOLE day on the first day of CNY and she'll have to let me off after that. She agreed. Phew~
And now my Maya kenot install properly. Yerrrr!!! some license thing. Tomorrow I'll going back to change la. Poser also the same. And just spent 2-3 hours consoling Al and advising her on her bf. She wants to opt for a break up. Haihh... I wonder what's gonna happen...
And I found out that that someone already likes another and he even told her but then she likes another and he's still stuck with his gf, so the drama and well I guess I shall let go of him d la. I feel that there's no point la. We don't talk, we don't hang out and he likes another d. Oh yeah, Death Note 2 premiers on Feb 1 and that makes it our(Andrew and me) second so called date! Haha! I'm so happy wei.(heart going thud thud and it skipped a few beats) but this time I'll have to wait for him to finish his exams first. -.-" but there's a catch.. I told him I'll wait for him but he'll have to drive again and pick me up this time xD xD!! LOL
p.s. and this time i shall remeber to take pictures of us in his car ;p
Today I had to send the mechanic back to his workshop and then pick mom up to go to Parade with me. I woke up watching the sky. I was completely blue as there was no clouds. My brothers always look at that sky and say "Its gonna be a perfect day. There's not a single cloud in the sky". I remember watching that same sky while cruising down the coastal highway in a bus in Brisbane, Australia. How I loved it there then. As I lie on my sofa couch watching the sky, I thought of my future. How is it all gonna be. During high school while hanging out in the foyer my gang and me would always talk on the empires we are gonna build. Back then Al wanted to be a forensic, Kunil wanted to be a Neurologist, Yew Siong wanted to do business, Vinc wanted to do IT, Cheryl and James wanted to do Biotech(as expected of high school sweethearts), Stephen wanted to be a psychologist(i finally found the word!), and Wilson, Wen Jun, Kong Hao, Dinesh, Marie, Adeline, Kimberly they all I forgot what's their ambitions so well they have la... Then at the end when we all reach our 40s we'll meet up for yam cha session and compare whose empire is the biggest and stuff. Haha. Oh yeah I forgot to add in. Mine leh, to be a visual effects producer la. To build my beach house in Laguna Beach and a summer house in Surfer's Paradise. Facing the ocean so that I can wake up with my sunrise and sleep under the stars. I want to build my own fantasy realm. A rich and famous life. My empire, the castle in the sky. Oh yeah, never ever ask Meng Hwang what's his ambition in life man. This guy was born in the cc and cc is his home. He's always, ALWAYS either at the cc or at the basketball court. His dream is to do business and get rich then own all the cc in the world. Damn keret right? This was our topic when sitting at the side of the basketball court talking till the sun sets. And that day he dared to smoke in front of me coz he used strawberry flavoured ciggies as he knows how i hate ciggies smoke. I smacked him for smoking anyway haha and he ended up giving me that look.
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Then before I get up to start my day, I thought... After all those dreams I have, if all falls apart, if everything goes down the drain, I'll still be satisfied ending up with the job of a bus driver in Gold Coast ,Brisbane. =)
And Lydia and me planned to go to the curve this saturday. She wanted to bring someone and I wanted to bring someone. But my someone is alil too hard to call out so she also no semangat wanna bring her someone so in the end we both go lepakz la. And I just found out my someone already like another and even told that another alreasy but his another has crush on another guy d so well damn drama la. I guess I should let go on crushing on my someone and stick to my 5 year crush andrew ma. Damn sad case right? Sigh... Nothing good ever comes out of my love life man. -.-"
The mehcanic is coming soon so well here ends my story on a boring Tuesday.
And Yew Siong just called me out to go for lunch.. Guess things just had a turn =) I miss talking to my heng dai..
ARGHH!!! I just logged out for a moment to game last night and this happened to me. I can't log in back anymore! And my internet is perfectly fine, my firewalls ain't blocking msn and what's more msn's status is stable and running! WTF! I've been PKO-ing the whole afternoon and tried to fix this and nothing works! I keep seeing error code: 81000306. Damn... the loniless! sobz! Grrr! Haihh... Why must my pc sifu-s not answering their phones? Must be busy gua.. aihh! Tomorrow I shall go send my cpu to the Computer Store at Parade again la. Jahhh! That's it la! Kenot tahan d la! I don't care what time is it I'm gonna drum now. Sien man!!!
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I hate you MSN
and Lydia, lots of hugs! Sorry to hear about your grandpa... Take carez gurl! hugs-
still hates MSN
*has gone making loud noises and totally ignoring her mom yelling at her outside her door*
Damn you MSN.
Here Ally, the inking I did and was suppose to send to you but msn as usual SUCK so here it is la... enjoy xD
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Yesterday was a heck of a day. I just can't stand my dad anymore!(been saying that since the day I was born) Sigh. He was so effing stupid yesterday. He made me so mad. But when our tempers clash I guess he would have to control his coz whoever who said that the kid is ten times more the parent was so damn right. My temper can be worst than his. Well it is anyway. So he had to pull himself together but he didn't apologise to me. It started when we(mom, dad and I) was on the way out, we stopped by some shops to photostat some documents and Dad told me to photostat the front page of his passport and no, he did not mention any envelope to photostat along with it. Fine. When we reached MAS office he totally put all the blame on me. That ^%$#@&^ BLAMED me for not photostating it. And heck that envelope was the one which I picked up from the ground of the Naza and put it on the car seat. Damn that feller! Ahh another shouting match outside the building. In the end Mom reprimanded Dad and I guess Dad sort of recovered his lost memory(the guy have lack of memory anyway. I don't blame him but I hate, absolutely H.A.T.E it when people simply accuse me of the things I did not do) and remembered. That's why he was so nice to me at the Japan Ambassy. Damn him. But throughout the entire day he did not say sorry due to his super egoistic nature of him. So fine. I did not talk to him anyway. Whatever. I just hate my Dad. After that the whole day was spent watchinf Ouran High School Host Club! Ahh!! Kawaii!!! *shining eyes* haha I damn love that anime man. Its so gay and cute! A.d.d.i.c.t.e.d!
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And two days ago I befriended back my day late friend. We were arch enemies since mid year this year due to her own stupidity and heartless nature of cracking jokes. She does not care on the words or jokes she say to you. If its cool to hurt people she would do it. So stupid. She just wouldn't stop bugging me with nonsense earlier this year so I was forced to threaten her with her mom. Its entirely not my fault but it was the last resort. And she was even thinking of not forgiving me. Well hello?! You were the one in the WRONG okay. Haihh... Anyway to cut a long lifetime story short, we BOTH apologised to each other(I have nothing to apologise but I did also la) and accepted to rebuild this friendship la. Its the New Year and I don't want to keep resentments in me. And us being good friends for not so long but we were so close, preactically best friends/ sisters kind so I guess its time to patch things up and bury the hatchet. No friendship is worth any arguements right? Yeah. Forgive and (try) to forget. Heheh.
And I have just realised. 70% is way better than nothing. And whatever happens this coming year, work is more important. Whatever decision TOA have for me and whatever I have to undertake, next year we all will have to keep our heads screw on tightly and totally escape and avoid depression. Bucgene, Carson, promise you guys that man! We three shall take care of each other this coming term kayz? =) And I do hope and PRAY for the best.
The Sony ambassador job? I am still in a dilemma on whether to go for it or not. Dad would't like the idea but I'm going for the experience and money. RM200 per day for a three day event is a lot wei. And I haven't even check out the outfit. I hope its not skimpy. Jen pulled out. Sigh. So if I am going for it after all I'll be alone. =( *thinking of the RM600 cash* =) Haha
*stomach growls* Today I'll have to pack! Tomorrow I'm leaving for Japan. Spending New Year there. Sigh. It wasn't my idea from the beginning. Its my mom's so called "family bonding". So much for a family who have been drifted apart from each other to bond. Been telling her some things are better left broken anyways. She wanna try again. *rolls eyes* I wanted to stay back here so badly and spend New Year's Eve with my friends. Hmmm... but then if I do stay back I'd have to cut my body into two coz I'll have my coll group and my high skool clan to hang out with for that one night. Damn... I haven't mastered the technique of cloning yet. -_____- So its Japan and unagi for New Year's Eve dinner la. xD
Last night he finally came online! I was like scrolling my super long MSN list down the college friends list then his name pop out. I was like omgomogomgomgomgomgomg!!! Totally speechless. I just went on with Ouran for a while say 10 mins then kenot tahan then I msg him. Argh. So much for waiting for ppl to msg you first. I had that Vindicated phrase on my nick and he pointed it out. *screams* Anyway I guess he wasn't on his own pc so well I couldn't get the Langkawi pictures from him. Sigh. I guess I'll have to let go of him la. He's gonna be like another Andrew(a guy I liked for like 5 years since the day I met him and is a close friend of mine and we always hang out but I just keep my feelings to myself) -____- Damn sad case la me. And its not like he thinks of me that way too so I'm just being an idiot again. Ah whatever la. Nothing lasts in this part of my life anyway. Its just a graveyard of losts so I'm sick of grieving over it anyway. Everything just dies here no matter how good it looks, sooner or later, eventually. I guess I'm better off alone after all. *smiles her famous fake smile*
Okay.. Im going to stop here due to overloading hunger and I need to go brush teeth and its gonna turn into another essay. Story of my life, never enough and never short of. *logs off LJ*
p.s.- is it me or is my English getting suckier by the minute? Damn...
Sigh... (screams out loud: I wanna go out tonight!!!) Guess losers stay at home on a Christmas Eve instead of going for a countdown with their friends. Yeah. I have friends. And tonight I seem to have none. =( I don't wanna stay alone at home. Maybe my mail got stuck? *checks mail*, *cries in dismay* why? coz its EMPTY! why? WHY?? What is this? A post Christmas punishment? So tonight I'm gonna get 3 angels visiting me while I'm asleep? *cringles* and everyone's offline! WTH??? *post multiple msn drawing the floor kind of emoticons* Aihhh... thats it la... I'm gonna game and lose all these emo feelings... *emo emo emo* *sings I'm Just A Kid to herself* ..........
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Yay! A winter festival in China today is Gohtong Day or some may call it Tong Yuin Day! Its to celebreate the New Year (following the Chinese calendar) and today we pray for good health and wealth in the coming year. Today I prayed for a lot of things. I hope it all come true. And I'm working hard on it too. xD
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that is the praying table
look at all those small balls(hem!) I rolled up.. So cute... we are all gonna eat it later hehe xD
Well that's all I doubt if I'm writing more later but see la xD
London in April and tour Europe after that... Gosh... =/ my family must really be bored man. Either that or mom just need me to go tour-ing with... -.-"
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Damn. New Year's Eve in Japan?? And worst of all it wil be spent with my family... *dies* Why? why? WHY???!!! Some more I already made plans on partying with my coll mates down in BB. Sigh... OMG I just remembered I promised Hari they all New Year's Eve countdown. Aiks! Haha... FFK again man me. Nvm la... Bur Daniel told me that they are planning a belated New Year's party before the new term starts, when Jasper gets back. Yay! I don't resent my parents for dragging me to Japan anymore!xDxD Alaaa.... I have to get a souvenir "Lost in Japan" shirt for Daniel pulak. -.-" Gonna dissapear without telling anyone again. Heh. And I'm going right after my YDC camp summore. Its like come back from camp then go straight to Japan. Guess there are some things you can't choose when you are born. And one of those things for me is having a jetsetter life. My family treats planes like public busses. No offense to my daddy but well, it comes with his job. It sounds cool to most people but being there and always travelling, sometimes I just wish I had stayed home instead. Running up and down in your suit is not really fun at times. Yeah, that's the dresscodes for Captains' family who are travelling first class. Privelege eh? I rather sit in economy class with my comfy jeans and sweatshirt. But guess what? Wherever I am in the plane I have to wear that suit anyway. >:( Damn keret man. Aihh thats it for now, my live journal have somehow turned into my live complaints on life.
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Psst.. btw the caviar they serve as appetizers before dinner sucks! Really. I don't know how my bros love it but it stinks. Heheh. Oyasuminasai~ ;p
Okay.. okay.. another thing that's stuck on my mind and it ends up into a song... again and again... haha i love that song from Jewel.. She's so cool... I gotta start rhyming my songs.... And I don't know what tomorrow brings but as I know, now all my songs will stay as songs...
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Glances and stares
I look at you and you look back
I wonder why I do so
You are just another guy
But you seem to catch my eye lately
And I was afraid of talking to you
Wanna know why?
Coz I'm falling for you
Your smile, your laughter
You seem distant all the time
But you opened up to me
And I found a friend inside
Words said witha drunken mind
I dare not accept it
And it leaves me pondering here
Was it true?
But it was only a word of compliment
Dreams may stay as dreams
I dare not barricade through
Coz there is another
And I don't know if it's dying there
I don't know if I shall make a move
That car ride was all I thought of
Now I'm ending up with a song again
Deception, lies, tears and resentment. Nights that were suppose to be spent together were torn apart and he is out with his friends again. She sat alone in front of her tv staring blankly into space and wondering why. Why does she always get caught up like this. Why can't she voice out. Why, why, why.
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A street away a boy climbed up the steps to the slide. At the top he sat and look at the lights dancing in the houses opposite the road. His phone beeps. It was the fifth message. No reply. He doesn't want to talk about it nor hear her voice. He is on the verge of giving up. He wanted out but she's holding him back with threats of death. He relented again.
500000 miles away at the coastal area, a girl walked along the beach. She stared at the stars in the sky. Shining so ever brightly, she wishes for it all to go away. The pain of rejection and lost of someone so dear to her. Replaying memories of summer here on the same spot where she first met him, tears rolled down her cheeks. She screams into the night air.
On a monday night a girl leaned against the railling on her balcony. Sipping a bottle of Chivas she sighed and turned to her labtop. Words of anger were written there. It was a blog entry. Her blog entry. No one understands her in her life. Broken family, broken friendships and broken hearts. She never had anyone to turn to from the beginning anyway. And again she lost someone to love. She closes her eyes and consumed more gulps.
Friday night and everyone is going out. Another girl was being left alone at home again. Her mom is out again, her brother too. And she sits in front of her computer where everyone is either on a busy signal or away. She sneaked out of the house then. While doing so she took the pack of Marlboro on the table and the lighter. Once outside she walked to the park. Sat on the swing facing the basketball court, she smokes. Thinking of how life sucks, she drew on a long swig. How many times have she wanted to be normal and lead a normal life. But she was not. She have to live a lie and her only savior is the game. Basketball. That was how she met her. The flower heart girl she fell in love with. She then finished the ciggarette and went to the court and start acting a game by herself. She shoots. But misses.
Nearby a guy drove past. He caught a glimpse of that girl in the court. He thought she was a he. Anyway he did not pay much attention to him/her and he drove on. Raced by himself on the empty neighbourhood road. It somehow satisfies him. The speed matches his empty, already broken heart. It was his only passion after all. Till he met her. He gave it all up for her. And now she's gone. And he's back on the road without anyone. He increased his speed.
In the next town a couple argued again. Big time. It was right after their anniversary dinner and he was driving her home. She wanted something that he totally refused to give. She has the look of murder on the face. And the guy just drove on. Then they argued some more. She cried. Then The guy softened. He can't stand see- ing girls cry. He then relented and cursed softly. He then told her he would if she stopped crying. She smiled then and hugged him. Guess he'll have to break his band's heart by quitting tomorrow morning.
Lastly, a girl sitting in front of her pc writing in her blog. She looked at the picture she tooked earlier. He was in it and he looked so cute. She smiled and sighed shortly. Two terms wasted on only looking at him from afar, admiring his laugh and smile from that distance and never picking up the courage of talking to him nor get to know him. Recently she gained that confidence and she found out that he have a lot to say. She liked him even more. But deep down inside her she knows. She knows that she cannot have him as he is stuck with another. She sighed deeply and post her blog.
I guess its break up season again. Anyone up for another shot of tequila? ;p